shame and guilt leads to downfall of your self confidencev

SHAME AND GUILT

Common reason why individuals struggle to move forward is that they feel guilty about the way they used to behave or are ashamed of themselves; guilt and shame are closely linked emotions. Both are usually associated with a belief that we have violated our own rules about how individuals should behave , that we have failed to live up to our own standards or have been disgraced in the eyes of others , coping with this thoughts and emotions are difficult , the starting point is to acknowledge to yourself what  has occurred and then to evaluate the facts of the situation.

Try to give yourself some positive feedback for choosing to face the problem and not avoiding it. When bad things happen it is easy to understand why the last thing you want to do is think about them .however it is equally unhelpful to let any negative thoughts go around and around in your mind. try to take problem solving approach and focus on what you need to do about what happened, then record on a piece of paper exactly what occurred, what was the event that makes you feel guilty or ashamed, list everything and everybody who contributed or might have contributed to this outcome .put yourself at the bottom of the list next draw a big circle on the paper. Starting at the top of the list, divide the circle up into segments of different sizes according to the degree of responsibility that should be attributed to each circumstances and each person involved, The greater the responsibility the bigger the piece of the pie. Once you start asking questions to yourself, your intuition gives you the answer and relief you from the emotional disturbance. Rewind your thoughts to your experience, Is there anything that you can learn from your experience, or anything that you can do to overcome any difficulties that have occurred? Even if you think that the responsibility is at your shoulder then try asking yourself these questions.

-          -How serious was the incident? Does your assessment concur with that of other people?

-          -When you had acted in that way. Where you aware of the consequences?

-          -What did you learn and how can you avoid similar incident in future?

-         - How can you repair the damages?

-        -  In longer terms will this incidents be important?

-          -What strategies can you apply to help yourself cope up from it if they are finding hard to forgive you?

But remember don’t fall into the trap of becoming more and more negative about yourself. If this starts to happen , you can try to tackle your automatic thoughts; alternatively , try to focus on a ‘ task-orientating ‘statement such as ‘ doing a bad thing does not prove that i am bad person ‘ or ‘ having done  bad thing in the past does not mean i cannot change how I act in the future’. You may wish to talk through with a trusted confidant any action you think might repair the damage. Getting feedback in this stage may increase your chances of achieving successful outcome.