FEAR OF REJECTION

STIGMA

Many individuals feel that their status in society is undermined by the negative views about mental health problems expressed by the public at large. Alas, these prejudices do impact on the lives of many people and will not be removed overnight. But, as you cannot control what others believe or how they view mental health problems, it is unhelpful to target all your energies in them, but the first action that is required is to focus on whether you hold any prejudices against yourself. If you are a perfectionist, do you now see yourself as ‘defective’? Does this fear of rejection turn from sadness into anger? If these ideas are operating, you may need to review your own belief and think about how to tackle the disappointment you feel about yourself, anger often arises as a secondary reaction, you may need to work on the primary emotion, which may be hurt or sadness.

RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHER

Relationship problem takes place due to following reason

-          Communication problem

-           Assertion

-           - sharing responsibility , including working with professionals

COMMUNICATION

It is important to understand the process of our interaction with other people particularly if you wish to pre-empt problems in relationship. Methods of tackling inter-personal problems

-          Take time to think about what you need to say and what issues you are trying to get across

-          Avoid placing all the responsibility on the other person. it may lead to the other person defending themselves aghast a perceived criticism , or angrily suggesting that you ‘ sort yourself out ‘

-          ‘Always’ and ‘never’ are key words to ban from the conversation. Other unhelpful statement include ‘if you loved me you would ...’ or ‘if you cared about me you wouldn’t ‘.

-          Try to develop a shared view of the problem. If you don’t agree n the problem, you will never agree on the solution.

-          Be a good listener. Don’t interrupt people and don’t tell them they’re wrong. remember they are expressing their opinions or feelings

-          Retain your perspective. if the conversation is getting heated , be prepared to negotiate some time out so that both of you can review where the conversation is going and can start it back on track

-           Try to take a step-by-step approach to any agreed action, and set a time when you can both discuss the progress you have made.

-          Be prepared to play an active role in finding the solution, even if this means giving some-thing up. don’t expect the other person to ‘ give to get’ or to do all the giving

-          Be willing to try a solution suggested by someone else; don’t simply push the other person to follow your proposed course of action.

-          Lastly don’t be afraid to suggest that you jointly seek help. a third party can often help keep a situation calm and help you focus on expressing your views in a constructive way , rather than falling into trap of attacking the views expressed by someone else .

ASSERTION

It is one aspect of clear communication. expressing yourself through anger is unlikely to help you get your need met , on the other hand it is equally true that you can end up feeling very frustrated or unhappy if you find yourself doing things you did not wish to because you failed to speak up and state what your needs were . Expressing your views either too forcefully or too meekly leads to problems, learn to express your preferences clearly and calmly, and to negotiate with others effectively.

 How to assert?

-          Have respect for yourself and recognize your own needs

-          Be prepared to ask for what you want

-           When expressing your opinion or feeling, always use ‘I’ statement

-          If you are unsure about a proposal, ask for time to think it through; avoid being pressured into instant decision

-          Remember that you can change your mind but if you do, try to give people clear warning and an explanation.

-          Recognize that you cannot completely control those of other  adults

-          Respect that other people have the right to apply the same rules of assertion to their own situations.

Try to work on your problem with professionals

-sharing responsibility relates to how you work with health care professionals, it means you are both clear about the aims of treatment and are both working towards the same goals. In this relationship you are entitled to respect, information and choice.  In return you must try to respect the other person’s opinion and the advice they offer. Have depth knowledge about your own special circumstances that it would be hard for anyone else to attain. sharing the knowledge you both have and then coming to an informed decision is worthwhile , but can be very hard work for both parties.

TRAUMA MINIMIZATION

GRIEF AND LOSS
When individual experience mood swings it disrupt their functioning so gravely that they are no longer able to complete college courses or carry on in their employment. This unexpected restriction not only affects their immediate activities, but also changes their career prospect and the future course of their lives. Many who have had such an experience feel they have become different people, and grieve for their lost selves, the people they used to be .This is both common and understandable. This experience can be compared with bereavement, and are compounded by the very real losses that can be associated with having a significant mental health problem, such as loss of income and status. Others find that there are major tensions in their personal lives, sometimes leading to the breakup of important relationships. 

If these things happen to you, there is no benefit in trying to underplay the difficulties created by your recurrent mood swings. You will need time to recover from your disappointments. To adjust to your new situation, and to move forward. 

KEY STEPS WILL HELP YOU TO BEGIN WITH COPING PROCESS 

- Try to be clear about which problems are genuinely related to mood swings. As with any grief reaction, the real losses will take time to come to terms with. Don't complicate the process by over generalizing and attributing every negative event in your life to your mood disorder. 

- Avoid focusing on the “unfairness" of life. Life certainly is unfair in many ways , but it is unhelpful to spend too much time concentrating on something you can't change . Preoccupation with what has already occurred may simply feed your anger and prevent you implementing strategies that help you move forward 

- Don’t pretend it hasn't happened. Avoidance of this kind is likely simply to store up problems for the kind is likely simply to store up problems for the future. At some point you will have examine what has happened, and what you can do to improve your situation. The problems will not disappear if you ignore them 

- Another way of avoiding the reality is to label yourself as the “illness”. For example, avoid introducing yourself as “I am a manic depressive". Don’t deny the problem, but try to remember that there is more to your identity than a mood disorder. Sometimes you will need to remind yourself of this, and it is important to make others aware of it as well 

It is important to replace an unrealistic existence with a realistic one. However like an addiction to a drug, your highs will not be easy to give up simply because it seems as a sensible idea. You might try to reduce your dependency on highs by using a step- by – step approach similar to  “ human reduction “ programme , making a gradual change to the degree of  upswing in your mood that are acceptable or the agreed boundary between your normal or abnormal state . You have give attention to how to compensate for the loss of this experience from your life. Like what action you should take that will give you positive feeling about yourself? Try to ask question within yourself and you will get all the answers to your question within your mind.

shame and guilt leads to downfall of your self confidencev

SHAME AND GUILT

Common reason why individuals struggle to move forward is that they feel guilty about the way they used to behave or are ashamed of themselves; guilt and shame are closely linked emotions. Both are usually associated with a belief that we have violated our own rules about how individuals should behave , that we have failed to live up to our own standards or have been disgraced in the eyes of others , coping with this thoughts and emotions are difficult , the starting point is to acknowledge to yourself what  has occurred and then to evaluate the facts of the situation.

Try to give yourself some positive feedback for choosing to face the problem and not avoiding it. When bad things happen it is easy to understand why the last thing you want to do is think about them .however it is equally unhelpful to let any negative thoughts go around and around in your mind. try to take problem solving approach and focus on what you need to do about what happened, then record on a piece of paper exactly what occurred, what was the event that makes you feel guilty or ashamed, list everything and everybody who contributed or might have contributed to this outcome .put yourself at the bottom of the list next draw a big circle on the paper. Starting at the top of the list, divide the circle up into segments of different sizes according to the degree of responsibility that should be attributed to each circumstances and each person involved, The greater the responsibility the bigger the piece of the pie. Once you start asking questions to yourself, your intuition gives you the answer and relief you from the emotional disturbance. Rewind your thoughts to your experience, Is there anything that you can learn from your experience, or anything that you can do to overcome any difficulties that have occurred? Even if you think that the responsibility is at your shoulder then try asking yourself these questions.

-          -How serious was the incident? Does your assessment concur with that of other people?

-          -When you had acted in that way. Where you aware of the consequences?

-          -What did you learn and how can you avoid similar incident in future?

-         - How can you repair the damages?

-        -  In longer terms will this incidents be important?

-          -What strategies can you apply to help yourself cope up from it if they are finding hard to forgive you?

But remember don’t fall into the trap of becoming more and more negative about yourself. If this starts to happen , you can try to tackle your automatic thoughts; alternatively , try to focus on a ‘ task-orientating ‘statement such as ‘ doing a bad thing does not prove that i am bad person ‘ or ‘ having done  bad thing in the past does not mean i cannot change how I act in the future’. You may wish to talk through with a trusted confidant any action you think might repair the damage. Getting feedback in this stage may increase your chances of achieving successful outcome.