FEAR OF REJECTION

STIGMA

Many individuals feel that their status in society is undermined by the negative views about mental health problems expressed by the public at large. Alas, these prejudices do impact on the lives of many people and will not be removed overnight. But, as you cannot control what others believe or how they view mental health problems, it is unhelpful to target all your energies in them, but the first action that is required is to focus on whether you hold any prejudices against yourself. If you are a perfectionist, do you now see yourself as ‘defective’? Does this fear of rejection turn from sadness into anger? If these ideas are operating, you may need to review your own belief and think about how to tackle the disappointment you feel about yourself, anger often arises as a secondary reaction, you may need to work on the primary emotion, which may be hurt or sadness.

RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHER

Relationship problem takes place due to following reason

-          Communication problem

-           Assertion

-           - sharing responsibility , including working with professionals

COMMUNICATION

It is important to understand the process of our interaction with other people particularly if you wish to pre-empt problems in relationship. Methods of tackling inter-personal problems

-          Take time to think about what you need to say and what issues you are trying to get across

-          Avoid placing all the responsibility on the other person. it may lead to the other person defending themselves aghast a perceived criticism , or angrily suggesting that you ‘ sort yourself out ‘

-          ‘Always’ and ‘never’ are key words to ban from the conversation. Other unhelpful statement include ‘if you loved me you would ...’ or ‘if you cared about me you wouldn’t ‘.

-          Try to develop a shared view of the problem. If you don’t agree n the problem, you will never agree on the solution.

-          Be a good listener. Don’t interrupt people and don’t tell them they’re wrong. remember they are expressing their opinions or feelings

-          Retain your perspective. if the conversation is getting heated , be prepared to negotiate some time out so that both of you can review where the conversation is going and can start it back on track

-           Try to take a step-by-step approach to any agreed action, and set a time when you can both discuss the progress you have made.

-          Be prepared to play an active role in finding the solution, even if this means giving some-thing up. don’t expect the other person to ‘ give to get’ or to do all the giving

-          Be willing to try a solution suggested by someone else; don’t simply push the other person to follow your proposed course of action.

-          Lastly don’t be afraid to suggest that you jointly seek help. a third party can often help keep a situation calm and help you focus on expressing your views in a constructive way , rather than falling into trap of attacking the views expressed by someone else .

ASSERTION

It is one aspect of clear communication. expressing yourself through anger is unlikely to help you get your need met , on the other hand it is equally true that you can end up feeling very frustrated or unhappy if you find yourself doing things you did not wish to because you failed to speak up and state what your needs were . Expressing your views either too forcefully or too meekly leads to problems, learn to express your preferences clearly and calmly, and to negotiate with others effectively.

 How to assert?

-          Have respect for yourself and recognize your own needs

-          Be prepared to ask for what you want

-           When expressing your opinion or feeling, always use ‘I’ statement

-          If you are unsure about a proposal, ask for time to think it through; avoid being pressured into instant decision

-          Remember that you can change your mind but if you do, try to give people clear warning and an explanation.

-          Recognize that you cannot completely control those of other  adults

-          Respect that other people have the right to apply the same rules of assertion to their own situations.

Try to work on your problem with professionals

-sharing responsibility relates to how you work with health care professionals, it means you are both clear about the aims of treatment and are both working towards the same goals. In this relationship you are entitled to respect, information and choice.  In return you must try to respect the other person’s opinion and the advice they offer. Have depth knowledge about your own special circumstances that it would be hard for anyone else to attain. sharing the knowledge you both have and then coming to an informed decision is worthwhile , but can be very hard work for both parties.